How difficult…

22 Nov purple-aster-2-2000x1500

Last September a good friend of mine has suggested that I write to my brother and my mother both, trying to build a bridge. As many of you know, my mother and I do not enjoy a very good relationship. In fact, most if the time, we argue, hate each other and do not see each other’s views.

Over the past few years I have been trying so hard to understand why my mother is so bitter, miserable and angry. I go through good days and bad days but, for the most part, it’s bad. Whenever I call, I have to mentally prepare myself for her spewing anger, guilt tripping and hurtful comments.

This September I have also written to my older brother-hoping to bridge the gap because, let’s be honest, one day mom and dad will pass away. And there only will be two people-him and I. In that letter, I have apologized (although I am not sure for what), explained why mom and I have such a bad relationship, and asked whether we can keep in touch and be civil.

When I called this morning, mom notified me that she had read the letter that was intended for my brother and accused me of judging her parenting techniques and attitudes. Words cannot describe the immense anger and insidious comments how much I suck as a daughter. Well, she sucks as a mother. That letter was never intended for her and shame on my brother for refusing to read it and instead, knowing what terrible relationship my mom and I have, passing it to her. What a coward. A supreme coward.

Bottom line, that relationship with mom and my brother has not been mended. It will not be mended. I have done my part. And I am not sure what else I can do.

After Outcry, Britain Bars ‘Pickup Artist’ From Entering by KATRIN BENNHOLD

22 Nov

Finer Things in Life:

I did not know who he is, but oh my god… What a scum

Originally posted on Aquamosh's Blog:


By KATRIN BENNHOLD

The British government refused to grant a visa to Julien Blanc, a 25-year-old American, after a public outcry over his abusive techniques.

Published: November 21, 2014 at 07:00PM

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Hello, November

11 Nov

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Coffee

8 Nov

Originally posted on Live & Learn:

coffee

And coffee, for one who knows it as I do, means making it with your own hands and not having it come to you on a tray, because the bringer of the tray is also the bearer of talk, and the first coffee, the virgin of the silent morning, is spoiled by the first words. Dawn, my dawn, is antithetical to chatter. The aroma of coffee can absorb sounds and will go rancid, even if these sounds are nothing more than a gentle “Good morning!”

Coffee is the morning silence, early and unhurried, the only silence in which you can be at peace with self and things, creative, standing alone with some water that you reach for in lazy solitude and pour into a small copper pot with a mysterious shine—yellow turning to brown—that you place over a low fire. Oh, that it were a wood fire!

Stand back from…

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NJEA Convention in Atlantic City

6 Nov

This Thursday and Friday New Jersey teachers are flocking to NJEA convention for some professional development, collegiality, technology updates, networking, reflecting, best practices and strategies and, of course, some soul searching with colleagues and presenters.

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I have been to six full hours of learning. Although I feel a bit tired, I just love it! And although I have gone down to Atlantic city by myself, I have met up with a few colleagues, from both my job and my doctoral program.
All of the workshops have been very stimulating but, of course, I have my favorites. One workshop was dedicated to the amazing thing called CHANGE and what steps to take in order to implement it successfully.

Plenary session has been conducted by a world famous speaker from Finland – Pasi Sahlberg. What a fascinating presentation, and so inspirational. There are so many things that Finland is doing right and the U.S. Is doing wrong… For instance, the U.S. looks at this whole idea of education as competition, while in Finland the approach is completely different – they look at wellbeing and success of individual child.

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Hubby has been checking in with me periodically throughout the day. I miss him. I have also been tweeting away any takeaways from my workshops.

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At this moment I am sitting at Atlantic City Bar and Grill that is a restaurant famous for its’ seafood. Guess what I am having? Soft shell crabs, of course!

I am sitting alone. At first I was like “ok, this is weird” but hey, a woman can’t eat alone? It just so happened that no one has been staying for the second day of the convention. Except me.

After dinner, I went back to the hotel. For a while, I stood by the window, brushing my teeth, looking down at Atlantic City. Such contrast. Blinking lights of casinos next to unbelievable decay of half-way houses, run down apartment buildings and empty parking lots.

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My mind and body needs rest. Today was a day well lived. And for that, I am thankful.

Saturday gratitude

2 Nov

Lately I have been so busy that I may have fell out of touch with my values. I felt uncomfortable, scared, vulnerable. Partly because some petty problems arose this past week – a company screwed up our bill, condo association raised their fees, co-workers were hostile and uncooperative, research papers came back, crushed. But. But. The bill was straightened out (their fault). Association have not raised their fees in 3 years and it only added about 11 dollars to our bill, co-workers will get over their problems on their own, research papers will be edited and sent back. It’s life. Something always comes up. Always. Just when you think you have everything under your control, something happens. One thing or the other. I think the secret is to look at those small, petty problems with a philosophical outlook- they come and they go kind of approach.

Yesterday, A and I went for a lovely, fall walk. Although it was cold, the air was so fresh and the leaves so magnificent!

Stepping On My Seasonal Soapbox

2 Nov

Finer Things in Life:

“Surviving the holidays” – a great read

Originally posted on Abby Has Issues:

The music, the decorations, the sale ads—the holidays are already here. While I promise to get back to humor next time, today I have to step on my seasonal soapbox.

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Like a lot of people, I sometimes find this time of year to be hard. Between the loss of family gatherings due to time and distance, the rampant and unnecessary consumerism, no holiday break, a dash of deep depression and a partridge in a pear tree, I would much rather just skip to January 2.

There won’t be a big family meal, and come Christmas there won’t be many—if any—gifts. Times are tight and money is even tighter, regardless of the date on the calendar.

I’ve never been bitter because we don’t have money for things, but I do get annoyed that others are so obsessed with those things.

However, I get it. It’s easy to feel pressured to buy…

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