Loaded Questions from Success Magazine

• What matters most to me in life?

Being loved, make a difference, realize my potential, live a full life, being surrounded by people I love.

• What do I want to be known for?

That I am a great, creative, resourceful, helpful, reflective, supportive family member, friend, and professional.

• What is my definition of success?

      Success is a feeling of contentment, fulfillment, feeling of “flow”, enjoyment, being occupied by pleasant things, managing stress successfully, being healthy and free.

• What do I love to do?

Organizing events, being with people, exploring new ways and methods, making a difference.

• What am I best at? Brainstorming ideas, problem solving, learning new things.
• If I had no fears, what would I do?
• Not applicable.
• What will I regret not doing when I’m 80?  Travel, being in nature, writing a blog, making connections, learning new things.
• What is one step I can take today to move me toward my goal (even if it’s not perfectly clear)? Go for a walk, observe nature, listen to myself, make peace with mom.

Classical Music Takes the Edge Off and Listening to Yourself Pays Off

For the past three weeks I have been riding a happy wave. I got three job offers, I picked the best one, (the one that felt right and had the most potential). I collaborated with Seton Hall University, bothering the heck out of them to update the transcript earlier than usual, as I needed the credits for my new district. The new district has agreed to wait in order to put me on a higher salary step (from BA to BA+30 credits). The board meeting is on the 17th, and the transcript was updated yesterday. Now that’s cuttin’ it close

But that wasn’t the only thing why I went with B. Township job instead of Paterson and Plainfield. I really listened to myself. Of course, I also analyzed every little detail. But I also listened to myself, to my being, to my body. When I imagined myself working at Paterson, for example, I felt uneasy, worried, tired, and anxious. When I thought of Plainfield, same thing. But when I thought of working in B. Township, I felt expanded, excited, content, confident, special, sought-after, and valued. Now this job might not even turn out to be my ideal job, but for the time being it is the job that literally “feels right”.

I also saw some friends, decorated the tree, interned at Somerset (that is almost over), did some Christmas shopping, wrote holiday cards, spend time with hubby, made time to go to a few classical concerts and plays, meditated… So, all in all, these couple of weeks have been very pleasant and productive…

It’s amazing how the little things make such a difference. For instance, classical music. When I hear Hallelujah from Handel’s Messiah or Mozart’s The Shepard King or Strauss’ Radetzky March, I can FEEL my heart opening and filling itself up with joy. It’s such a weird feeling but it’s wonderful. Hallelujah from Messiah made me tear up many times. Radetzky March made me clap my hands. It’s incredible how music can completely carry you away. In a good way, that is. And, of course, there is Dvorak. His symphony From the New World is my all time favorite! During Sandy we had no power but I did have a battery powered CD player. And I had Dvorak. I listened to it at least ten times.

When listening to an all time favorite piece or a new movement, I can almost feel my mood shift towards a more pleasant, positive state. I want to  say that it almost works like an anti-anxiety pill. Again, I am not depressed, I am not taking any medication but we all go through periods of sadness and not being fully satisfied with our lives. So at times when sadness rolls in, I put on Yo-Yo Ma or Philip Glass or Brahms and just focus entirely on music: the notes I hear, the shuffling of musician’s feet during some performances, and whether I can pin point different instruments coming in… I also noticed that after I am done listening to a new CD, I like to research the composer, see what kind of life they lived, whether they were rich or poor, whether they had a family and what country they were from. That’s how I found out that Schubert died at 31 and Tchaikovsky was forced to commit suicide for possibly having an affair with one of his male students.

Well, enough about me. Now, I have two questions for you:

1. Apart from considering many factors, do you also do a “listen to yourself” test before making a major decision?

2. Does classical music have the same effect on you? If yes, why, and why not?

On friendship

Two months ago my closest friend moved to a different country. At first it was a temporary thing but, as time progressed, it turned into a permanent venture. We loose touch with people in our lives all the time. But loosing permanent touch with this kind of friend is tough.

Some proverb argues that “Friends are God’s way to apologize for our families.” And boy, oh boy it is true in my case.

She was a friend who I could call at 4 am. She was the only person to whome I would admit that I was afraid. She was the person with whome I could really be myself without having to filter things I say; with her I could be vulnerabe, I could really let go, be at my worst and weakest. I have learned how to ask for help, I have learned what it is to be a great friend. And as social media makes this idea of a “best friend” overwhelmingly extinct, I was always happy to say that yes, I DO have a best friend.

The things I reminisce the most about are the brainstorming sessions that we used to have. We called it our tea time. Yes, we will have tea, with honey, and lemon, and talk, talk, talk. Talk about plans, better way to react to things, better way to deal with our mothers, better way to understand our significat others, better ways to get ahead in life. We would share our victories -both small and large – with each other. We will make tea, bundle up into sweaters, blankets (her house at times didn’t have heat on), and brainstorm. Sometimes we will call each other when we had nothing to say, really. “Just calling to say I am bored.” We will do “the cards” (old Russian Tarot cards) and interpret what they meant, trying to get answers to our life questions.

There are days when I feel a wave of immense sadness over not having my best friend here. Then there are days when I feel calm and just wonder what she might be doing at this very moment. As I grieve my friend’s presence in my life, I slowly accept the metamorphosis of our friendship. We still keep in touch, but the future of our friendship is uncertain. Realisticly speaking, we can’t keep the same form of relationship as before. As our friendship morfs into a different kind of relationship, I hope both of us will remember and value the good and the bad times that we had.

Experiences vs. Stuff

As I was huffing and puffing while riding up a slope at Great Swamp this Friday afternoon, it hit me: you will be happier if you invest your time and money into experiences instead of material things… Simple! And then nature showed me this, as if to prove a point:

Don’t get me wrong, I love having STUFF. And I don’t think Bill Gates or Oprah ever complain of having houses on 5 continents and more money than you can spend. However, I will still argue, that if you choose to invest into life experiences, you will feel happier and more fulfilled.

I have been choosing experiences over things for quite a while now. I’d rather not spend on a purse or a piece of technology but on a road trip or salsa lessons. Experiences stay with you. A big one for me, and my most favorite – traveling – has opened my eyes and mind to some amazing things. I have flipped through pictures from my travels to Peru, Cambodia, Ireland, etc., many times. And every time just looking through these images fills me up with joy, satisfaction, and happy memories of becoming a small piece of that culture.

Needless to say, that bike ride was quite enlightening. Cruising along Great Swamp roads, stopping to take in the scenery and to listen to crickets, breathing n lungs full of war, fragrant air… I spend 2.5 hours just riding! I met two interesting people – they were also riding – and had some great conversations about life… I discovered a little hidden cafe where every customer is on a bicycle!

People that passed me always acknowledged me, either with a quick “how ya doin’?”, “hello” or just a nod… There were NO, absolutely none, miserable people on bikes! I thought, I need to do this more often…

Lastly, as I got in the car, put my foldable bike in the trunk, packed lunch, and headed out the door, another simple truth hit me. About doing what you want. I felt like going biking, so I did. How many people in this world can just do that? How many people on this planet want but cannot do such a simple thing as packing your bike and taking off, without worrying about safety, weather, food?… Really puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?

Here are some pictures from this legendary bike ride at Great Swamp Refuge:

So, let me ask you, what are some simple, little things that affect your life in such a big, positive way?

So much time has passed…

 

It’s amazing how much time has passed since the last time I submitted a blog entry… My last post is dates June 2nd… And today is August 27th….

So many things have happened since then… Let us go through the categories:

Love. I am now married. Married and happy. Married and still traveling. Married and still my old fun self. Many things tell me I’ve made the right decision. A. is awesome: understanding, funny, supportive, loving. He is one hell of a husband. How do I plan to keep things as peachy as they are now?… Traveling and having my own hobbies. When I was younger, I would pin my happiness on someone else. I would say “You make me happy”. Now I pin my happiness on myself. I know exactly what I enjoy and what I hate and I either invite or eliminate those things, respectively.

Career. I am now interning as a school administrator. The job is challenging but I can see new responsibilities emerge. But it’s awesome. I cannot wait to be a full fledged school administrator, create fruitful change, help kids and support teachers. The internship is 600 hours so it’s quite intense. But I wouldn’t have any other way.

Friends. The month of August was all about making connections. I went to Switzerland for a few weeks. The initial idea was to go WWOOFing on a Swiss farm. WWOOF stands for World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms. Basically, you find the country that you’d like to visit, make connections with the farm that you like, and come and work there for whatever set period of time, making connections and learning about organic farming. It also involves cultural exchange, meeting people, learning about family’s ife style, and tasting some very locally grown foods…

I was a WWOOFer in Switzerland. After about four days working on an organic herb farm, I decided to travel around Switzerland. And it was quite phenomenal. Switzerland is an amazing country and that alone deserves a whole separate post.

All in all, life has been exciting and lovely. When I make decisions about anything, I usually try to remember a very simple truth – live a full life today for tomorrow is NOT guaranteed.

 

Bachelorette Weekend June 2nd

Opportunities Are Everywhere

This week I have received my pink slip. Now, before I go any further, I have to say that ALL non-tenured teachers usually receive pink slips and then get hired back. The state of affaires that public schools are in now, it is not surprising.

I have been asking for one. Really. In my mind. The anxiety, the anger, the extreme apathy when going to work has been bothering me. I am creative, resourceful, and fun. But that job has been weighing me down like crazy. And, yes, I know: it’s not what it is, it’s what you make of it. I can’t make anything out it anymore. I want out. And, guess what, I have “out” now. I am a type of person that if she is not happy with something, she looks for ways to change it. You name it: relationships, social ties, jobs, outlooks on life… Additionally, we spend SO much of our lives working, we should at least LIKE our jobs. Forget loving your job (although I am looking for that kind, if you see it, let me know). I like teaching very much but I just don’t like how our school is run. The morale is so low, there is zero collegiality among the staff, the teachers are bitter, the students are miserable, the administrator is quitting, AND there is no money. Ever.

I’m here to bitch about my job. I’m here to make a point – find what you love to do, and then go do it. Every moment of this life is precious, and I don’t want to waste any time. Why focus on something that makes you unhappy when there is photography, travel, connecting with people, bike riding, and woofing. In Switzerland. How cool is that? I have been asking for things. Things. And now I really feel that this pink slip could be turned around and made an opportunity.

I also have been feeling tons of ideas “brewing” inside. Really want to get my photography out there. Have reached out to a couple of online magazines; they seemed interested. Have also been researching a lot – new, curious, fascinating things.

Also, have really been thinking hard about what it really is that I enjoy. And whatever that is, I set time aside to go do it. Reading, I love reading. Before, I used to think: “Oh no, I am reading, I should go do something productive.” So silly. If we don’t do what we enjoy, then what kind of life are we living?

I love reading, writing, listening to music, traveling, biking, photography, and being in nature. So I will make sure that I do these things. Otherwise I won’t be complete.