On friendship

9 Oct

Two months ago my closest friend moved to a different country. At first it was a temporary thing but, as time progressed, it turned into a permanent venture. We loose touch with people in our lives all the time. But loosing permanent touch with this kind of friend is tough.

Some proverb argues that “Friends are God’s way to apologize for our families.” And boy, oh boy it is true in my case.

She was a friend who I could call at 4 am. She was the only person to whome I would admit that I was afraid. She was the person with whome I could really be myself without having to filter things I say; with her I could be vulnerabe, I could really let go, be at my worst and weakest. I have learned how to ask for help, I have learned what it is to be a great friend. And as social media makes this idea of a “best friend” overwhelmingly extinct, I was always happy to say that yes, I DO have a best friend.

The things I reminisce the most about are the brainstorming sessions that we used to have. We called it our tea time. Yes, we will have tea, with honey, and lemon, and talk, talk, talk. Talk about plans, better way to react to things, better way to deal with our mothers, better way to understand our significat others, better ways to get ahead in life. We would share our victories -both small and large – with each other. We will make tea, bundle up into sweaters, blankets (her house at times didn’t have heat on), and brainstorm. Sometimes we will call each other when we had nothing to say, really. “Just calling to say I am bored.” We will do “the cards” (old Russian Tarot cards) and interpret what they meant, trying to get answers to our life questions.

There are days when I feel a wave of immense sadness over not having my best friend here. Then there are days when I feel calm and just wonder what she might be doing at this very moment. As I grieve my friend’s presence in my life, I slowly accept the metamorphosis of our friendship. We still keep in touch, but the future of our friendship is uncertain. Realisticly speaking, we can’t keep the same form of relationship as before. As our friendship morfs into a different kind of relationship, I hope both of us will remember and value the good and the bad times that we had.

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