On birthdays, expectations and friendship

3 May

I am the person that is a loyal friend and someone who will always remember your birthday. I am also a friend that will expect YOU to remember mine. If not, then perhaps we are not meant to be friends.

I have a friend who lives overseas these days. I always remember her birthday and make sure that she receives a birthday card just in time. She never remembers mine. When she still lived here, she remembered because we usually went out somewhere. I still would like to be her friend and keep in contact but the inability to be a responsible adult annoys me greatly.

Perhaps I have to stop doing the following: making people feel special. For instance, I have an agenda where I write down all of my friends’ birthdays and I rewrite it every New year so that during the course of the year I can go ahead and congratulate that person. I always keep a stack of birthday cards in case it is someone’s birthday at work. So what that it is just a co-worker of mine? I know how nice it feels to open a birthday card so when I overhear a buzz it is someone’s birthday at work, I will sign the card and slip it into their mailbox in the main office.

When it is a close colleague of mine(and also a friend) is celebrating their birthday, I like to get a small gift for them, in addition to the card. Perhaps a journal, or a book, or a chocolate bar.

I also need to lower my expectations of people. Just because I am a very loyal friend that will gift you a very meaningful gift, show up for your party, make time to go out for drinks, and drive you home afterwards- does not mean that the rest of the people are like that.

My friends are a prime example. Here is what I got yesterday from my closest friends:

1. One Facebook wall post from one friend, sent her a birthday card for her birthday.
2. One text message and a phone call from another. Showed up at her birthday party with a gift.
3. A Facebook message and a voicemail from the third. Went to both her and her husband’s birthdays, with gifts.
4. None from a fourth friend. Actually, she is not really my friend anymore so that is ok. I have mailed her a card last year.
5. A Facebook message and a text message from a fifth friend. Went to her birthday party this year, with a gift.
6. A text from my sixth friend. Gave a gift to him last year.
7. Nothing from my seventh friend. Sent a card to him last year.
8. Nothing from the in laws, called last year, gave a gift.
9. A phone call from my dad in Russia and nothing from mom or brother.

My husband, however, compensated for all of them, put together. He knows me welling makes me feel more than appreciated.

How can I sum up this post?

It is clear that I am disappointed in my friends for being inconsiderate. It is clear I need to tune my gift giving tendencies down. It is also clear that I should lower my expectations.. Just because I remember everyone’s birthday does not mean they remember mine which shows me that not everyone is as loyal as myself, and not everyone believes in a fact that friendship in a two way street.

One Response to “On birthdays, expectations and friendship”

  1. depressedbuthopeful May 4, 2014 at 4:15 am #

    Happy birthday!


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