How difficult…

22 Nov

Last September a good friend of mine has suggested that I write to my brother and my mother both, trying to build a bridge. As many of you know, my mother and I do not enjoy a very good relationship. In fact, most if the time, we argue, hate each other and do not see each other’s views.

Over the past few years I have been trying so hard to understand why my mother is so bitter, miserable and angry. I go through good days and bad days but, for the most part, it’s bad. Whenever I call, I have to mentally prepare myself for her spewing anger, guilt tripping and hurtful comments.

This September I have also written to my older brother-hoping to bridge the gap because, let’s be honest, one day mom and dad will pass away. And there only will be two people-him and I. In that letter, I have apologized (although I am not sure for what), explained why mom and I have such a bad relationship, and asked whether we can keep in touch and be civil.

When I called this morning, mom notified me that she had read the letter that was intended for my brother and accused me of judging her parenting techniques and attitudes. Words cannot describe the immense anger and insidious comments how much I suck as a daughter. Well, she sucks as a mother. That letter was never intended for her and shame on my brother for refusing to read it and instead, knowing what terrible relationship my mom and I have, passing it to her. What a coward. A supreme coward.

Bottom line, that relationship with mom and my brother has not been mended. It will not be mended. I have done my part. And I am not sure what else I can do.

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